Can’t Sit Still

Over the last few weeks I have made an extra effort to focus on my issues with my thereapist. I usually give a brief report on of what is going on between the two of us. Or what is not going on between us. Then we get involved, often quickly with my outlook on myself and life.

There is not a thing that I judge wrong that I have done that I don’t blame myself and berate myself. Hell, I’ve even blamed images (5)myself for not recognizing the possible ramifications of having a relationship with someone who was sexuially abused by a cousin, I’ve blamed myself for not understanding the subtle warning signs of someone who was sexually abused by multiple adults or not getting her the right help sooner, or having the balls to say to her face there is something seriously wrong with our sexual relationship and not pushing harder for her (and us) to get to the bottome of the problem. Shit, I hold myself responsible for not gettting myself trulely fixed so we can focus on getting her fixed.

It’s an horrible way to go through life, but I have made some progress. There is a way to go. It’s hard to see someone suffer as she has, and know that you have to deal with your own issues.

The truth is there is not much I can activley do to of help.

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