You must take care of yourself.
Partners of survivors read that and hear that from all sorts of sources. Therapists, books, websites, maybe even blogs. But it is so damn easy to get caught up in all the sex abuse / D.I.D shit of your partner that you and your needs get lost. As hard as I have tried, I let myself simmer in the crock pot of her mess.
Pants that I could wear two months ago can’t be buttoned and zipped. I have an infection that I kind of ignored the symptoms. Not that I knew I had an infection but I could tell something wasn’t quite right and didn’t do anything about it. The proof of the infection was revealed at my semi-annual physical, along with blood sugars being high enough that if in 6 months they are at the same level, I will be placed on diabetic medication.
I was brought up short in therapy a couple of weeks ago when as I was talking about all the issues my wife is having, my therapist said, “Tell me about Michael.”
I didn’t have much of an answer.
My therapist sent me a list of open-ended statements that I should consider and that might be the basis of the further explanation and exploration of me. Statements such as:
What annoys me ____________
In school ____________
The worst thing a woman can do to a man ___________
The future __________
Forty eight on these open-ended statements that could be filled out differently, depending on which way the wind is blowing. Each one soliciting an essay, not written to be edited, refined, and polished, but spoken in from the heart and soul, so I can find my way back to being me. Or what I think is me.