Getting Lost

I REALLY needed to see my therapist today. We have to reschedule because she was ill. It was a really nice day today so I hope she was lying about being ill and out fishing somewhere.

I been through a lot with my new job and am still carrying my bag of crap with me. It’s not as heavy as it used to be,  full of messages about being perfect and perfection is really attainable. I’ve left some of it that go. But I need to talk about work and what is going on at home.

Susan came home from seeing her therapist a couple of days ago with the news that they are holding off on her memory work until she gets herself back under control in bridgeregards to self harm. Since he said about three weeks ago she was ready for memory work, she or the people within, have rebelled. Psych 101 tells me she is fighting the very thought of dealing with the horrid memories.  Whenever she gets close, Susan sabotages the process. It’s not deliberate, I don’t think. She has to get these people under control.

Meanwhile, in addition to the self harm, she is not taking care of herself in any way. The new hair dryer she desperately needed has been sitting unopened for three weeks.

I find myself withdrawing to my own world as we don’t share much. We watch an hour or so of the tube in the evening then I find stuff to do on the computer or here or read a book.

Zero interaction.

Zero intimacy.

 

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