Susan reported her therapist says she is ready to begin her memory work. For those with D.I.D. (if I understand this correctly) this means the therapist will ask certain individual personalities to come forward and discuss the horrid memories they hold. For those without D.I.D. this is a basic part of therapy; the individual processes the memory of the sexual abuse, the feelings of shame and guilt and pain.
Usually, again if I understand what goes on with a singleton, they generally have memories of the abuse. It somewhat easier, though certainly not comfortable to bring those memories up. The person with D.I.D. created multiple individuals to hold the memories and pain. Susan knows she was abused, but feels no anger and no pain, no emotions because of the abuse. The people within her hold those emotions as a tightly held secret. In Susan’s case, her therapist will have to deal with up to 17 ¹different entities, including one youngster who loves her daddy and thinks he did nothing to hurt her in any way. She thinks he was perfect. Susan said this is who the therapist will probably work with first.
On one hand, Susan thinks she is ready to do the memory work and knows this is part of her healing. On the other hand, someone within her is terrified at the thought and had Susan go into the kitchen and look in the knife drawer. One of her adult aged people, she calls “The Protector” took over and had her sit down on the couch, until she could release the self-harm thoughts. Yes, she did call her therapist and discussed this scary event.
I am very uneasy.
¹Since I wrote a few months ago about the people within her, she has found others within her. Some may be partially developed, some are full individuals.