Sometime back I wrote about leaving the mens group that was part of my support system. My final time was this past week. The tradition in the group is to have the person who is leaving sit in a chair facing another empty chair. Then remaining member of the group each sits in the empty chair and has the opportunity to say what they likWood Chaired about the person who is leaving, comment on the work that person has done, wish them well, etc. and must actually say the word “Goodbye.” Then the person who is leaving gets to respond in kind as he wishes, and say aloud “Goodbye.” One of the reasons for saying goodbye is that men often let relationships melt away. Generally it is not in our nature to say meaningful, heartfelt words. This simple ceremony can be very emotional as the guys have shared information, thoughts, and feelings pretty much weekly for years.

I was a member of the group for about 7 years. It’s only been in the past 12 months that I spoke of the D.I. D. / sex abuse issue in our marriage with any regularity or emotion. With my own issues of at times severe depression and anxiety – the reasons I started to attend the group in the first place – the D.I.D. / sex abuse issue simmered quietly on the back burner. At least two of the guys expressed concern for my well being and the need to take care of myself. And I agree to a large extent. My mental state is something I must watch out for as I move along. As I mentioned to the guys, I put much thought into this decision and made it a matter of prayer.

One of the guys noticed that I never complained in the groups; never asked “”Why me?” That I seemed to be always looking for a way to find solutions. That was nice to hear and is true as far as the group is concerned. But my writing here is a place the place where I allow myself at times to say “Why me?” and a place where I may think “out loud” to find solutions.


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Filed under About Me, Secondary Survivor

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