Susan is working very hard on identifying the parts that formed during the horrific abuse she received from five different males, including her father and a cousin. I’ve sensed over the past month or so she developed a handle on the total parts that are within her psyche.¹ I didn’t come to this conclusion by telepathy. We’ve done a lot of conversing. In the past I’ve been unsure how I should ask her about the parts, but I’ve developed confidence that it is OK for me to at least ask about them. My fear is I will stir something up by asking about them. We developed some more trust in our communication; as such I am relying on her to be genuine in her feelings and what is going on inside her.
As I understand, each personality or part developed for a specific reason, besides the obvious need for a refuge to go to before, during, and after sexual abuse. Each part hold memories of abusive events. I’m not so curious at this time to ask why a certain part is there. Actually, I don’t see me asking at all.
I recently asked Susan to tell me the names of all her parts / identities.
She is an adult of unknown age. If I understand correctly, she is part that the organizes of all the parts and is capable of driving and other adult tasks. She first appeared as an adult and ages in real-time. She presents herself to Susan as a mature woman in her late 30’s or early 40’s. As far as I know I have not met her.
She is about 10 and does not age and has a twin brother. She is sassy, very opinionated and may be loud expressing herself. I have interacted with her more than anyone else. Not to make light of her, but in some ways she is similar to Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip. She will announce to me when she is going back inside.
Stuart is a boy, the twin brother of Elizabeth. Like Elizabeth, he does not get older over time. He likes small trucks and cars and doing boy things. I know he the one who was present when Susan and I went to hockey games and I suspect he is the one who is out when Susan and I occasionally fish together. To my knowledge, he has not spoken to me when we are not doing something male oriented.
Unnamed Little The Girl #1
She about 5 years old and does not get older over time. She is very extremely fearful and lives in the cabinet under the kitchen sink. I think she only comes out in therapy sessions and then only for a short time.
Unnamed Little Girl #2
This is not a full personality. Part of the Susan’s father’s grooming process was to take her out for ice cream or some other treat. This made her very happy, but when they got to the door of the house, Susan knew what was going to happen so she dissociated into a little girl who would be the person that would go from the front door, up the stairs, to the place in the house where she would be sexually assaulted by her father. During the abuse Susan would dissociate into another part.
She is about 8 years old and does not age. She loves ice cream. I believe she is the personality that came forward to help Susan while she being groomed for abuse by her god-dammed father. Part of the groming going out for treats, parks, movies etc. Anything “special” to generate closeness to by the child toward the abuser. I know when Ruby is out by the look of Susan’s eyes. They change shape. Her voice also changes.
Kay is an adult female who is probably in her 50’s and so far has aged in real time. I think she helps Susan with interpersonal adult relationships. I have not knowingly interacted with her.
An adult male of unknown age, who is full of anger and rage. Susan is extremely afraid of this person. I have seen him come out in therapy sessions. It is frightening. One time he came out during a session and attacked Susan’s therapist. The therapist had to call for help from a male colleague to help subdue and get my wife back in control. I actually fear this part. Susan’s hatred of all males resides within him.
Juliette and Kristeen
These are two identities that presented themselves within the past few months. I don’t know much about them; I don’t think Susan does either.
Unknown gender and age. This is Susan’s part that is always on alert for danger . He or she sees danger in everyday life and who I believe keeps Susan on high alert needlessly.
Susan told me that this is the Susan that I married. She is depressed to the point of being a non-functional human. Depressed Susan went inside about 15 years ago after two (unknown to me) failed suicide attempts.
¹ This is not to imply there could not be more parts that present themselves in the future.