Conference Lesson 5: NOT ALL ISSUES WITH YOUR SPOUSE / PARTNER ARE BECAUSE OF D.I.D.
Every couple has problems with communication, common goals, child rearing, intimacy, et al. Don’t fall into the trap of blaming D.I.D for everything problem you are having with your partner. If your partner did not have D.I.D, there would still be issues for you to resolve.
Conference Lesson 6: TRY NOT TO LET D.I.D. DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
I talked with the husband of an abuse survivor with D.I.D. after one of the support groups for support people. Besides attending the conference for their own benefit, William and his wife presented a very informative seminar. William reminded me that if either my wife or I had a serious physical ailment, we would probably work around the illness and carry on with our lives.
That reminded me of an incident a few years ago when I broke my right ankle playing hockey. I could not work for about 3 months. For two months I couldn’t drive and was unable to help with any household work. The ankle did not define who we were. We adjusted. And we did not think twice about it.
Now I am not trying to compare the problem of a 3 month-long injury with the years of working to come to grips with sex abuse / D.I.D. But trying to work around and accept present limitations can make each day a bit brighter. It’s not easy. I am keeping this thought in mind as much as I can.
Conference Lesson 7: THE MAJORITY OF FAITH BASED COMMUNITIES CAN’T DEAL WITH SEX ABUSE / D.I.D.
That is not a knock on religion. The survivor and support person will have to find their personal path to understanding. If the “therapist” community is divided on the reality of D.I.D., how can the untrained who often think if you pray just a little harder, if you read scripture more and study, and if you would just serve someone else and your problems would go away, relate to the devastating legacy of sex abuse.
Conference Lesson 8: D.I.D. IS A GIFT FROM GOD.
No, not in the “this is something I’ve given to you so the survivor (or partner) can learn important lessons.
No! No! No! Such a philosophy make me want to vomit. That is not my loving God.
It is a gift from God that He built into survivors brain so could live through horrific abuse.