Welcome and Warning

This is what is commonly called a trigger warning. 

This blog is devoted to men, like me, who are partners / husbands of women survivors of sexual assault  including molestation, date or stranger rape, incest, and Dissociative Identity Disorder caused by the noted unwanted sexual advances.  This blog seeks to offer a place where I and I hope other male partners of female survivors can discuss, commiserate, share the bad and the good as we support the women we love in the trials they endure because of sex abuse.

The blog is not intended to be read by female survivors as nearly every comment, article, or statement may contain words or ideas that could trigger flashbacks and  memories for female survivors. Comments from female survivors of a nature that helps us understand some of the issues you face working with your husbands on solving the sex abuse issues in your partnership would be welcome. Comments such as how angry, mean, edgy, selfish, hateful, non-understanding (and similar) I and other authors are, are not welcome and will be deleted. 

I am not a mental health professional. I have searched for a support group for men whose partners / wives were sexually abused and found none. There are many support groups and internet boards that offer  support for the women which is great; but nothing for the male partners at least in my corner of the world. This is my effort to create a place where the male co-survivors can come, read, and if they feel like doing so and share their experiences.

My comments will be honest, open, blunt, and perhaps at times, graphic.  While I hope to keep my writing positive, there will be times when it will be ugly in here. Sex abuse is ugly.

I’m fully aware there are male-male relationships and female-female relationships where one partner is a survivor, as well as male-female relationships where the male is the abuse survivor. As noted, I not a therapist and feel it best for me to try to offer something which I am familiar. Thank you for understanding the limitations of this blog.


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I Still Can’t Fix It!

I still fight with myself, trying to find the tool I can use to “fix” my wife’s D.I.D. That is not my job.

I don’t know how many times I have to remind myself that I can’t do it. A lot is the gizmosgadgets_toolboxonly number I can think of. I can’t help even a little bit. There is no tool I can lend her that can speed the process along. Hell, they don’t even make a tool for a partner to use.

I have chosen a therapist who is the partner of Susan’s therapist to be part of my support system. Both are well versed in dealing with PTSD, D.I.D. and sex abuse. We have given our consent that they may speak to each other regarding our issues. Susan’s specifics do not come up in my session, but I have been told she is has made and is making great progress.

Meanwhile we both keep plugging away. One day we may turn around and be able to see from the top of the hill we have climbed.

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